The tiny thing

that keeps me going

One of the best parts of middle-age is letting go of who you want to be and rolling with who you are. In my case, this translates to being a writer. Writing might be poorly paid, undervalued and constantly threatened to be replaced by algorithms, but it’s THE thing that continuously sparks joy.

That doesn’t mean that writing always sparks joy, that it comes easy or that mileage acts as a magic cloak of confidence which protects me from self-doubt. There are days when I want to write, but the words don’t come or I struggle to find focus. There are days when I hit the delete key so often that I end up with a blank page. And then there are days when the story won’t fold, when the sentences feel empty and reading what I’ve written makes me cringe. None of these things sparks joy, but they’re a part of the process.

I had one of such days last week. My thoughts tumbled, I went for a walk, wrote sentences, deleted them, then put the same sentences back. I tried everything that usually works for me, only to find myself completely blocked and unable to form a coherent thought. And with good reason.

Earlier that day, I’d doom-scrolled through videos and pictures of Elon Musk’s nazi salute. At first, I couldn’t believe it, then I got so enraged that I felt the urge to run and scream my lungs out.

Normally, writing would help clear my mind, but that day it just didn’t work. The feelings were still too raw.

This reminded me why I write. Stories have the power to change people and their lives, but shaping the chaos of emotions into a story isn’t easy. Even less so when you feel like our world has been cracking to pieces for so long that it started to break apart.

A week later, I’m still pained and disturbed by the rise of fascism, but also determined to keep going because writing is the tiny thing that drives me to do more. I often remember Alice Walker’s wise words: ‘The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.’

This story might have been told before, but it’s not finished until we write the ending. So I write, because that tiny thing helps me keep going.

This week, my Story Allegiance mailing is all about resilience, being kind to your future self by doing simple time travel. You can subscribe here.